Batman Drives His Monster Truck Down Justice Blvd
by Dr. Conquistador Wilson
Summary: A gripping tale about how Batman and his trusty sidekick, a lion, fight crime.  Sorry about the caps, for those of you silly folk who have a phobia of it, I shall be making another version with normal text, just uploading it as-is for the time being.


BATMAN DRIVES HIS MONSTERTRUCK DOWN JUSTICE BLVD.

ONE DAY, BATMAN WAS CRUISIN THE WORLD WITH HIS TRUSTY PET, A LION. WHEN LION AND BATMAN CAME TO A HALT IN THEIR BATMOBILE, IT WAS STEPPED ON BY A GIANT MONSTER. OBVIOUSLY UPSET, BATMAN PICKED LION UP, STUFFED HIM INTO A CANNON, AND FIRED HIM AT THE MONSTER. THE LION TURNED INTO A MISSILE THAT WAS MADE OF SAWBLADES AND CHICKEN WINGS. IT HIT THE MONSTER STRAIGHT IN THE FACE. "TAKE THAT YOU DIRTY MONSTER!" EXCLAIMED BATMAN. WHEN THE EVENTS HAD PASSED, BATMAN MET UP WITH LION AT THE LOCAL PUB, WHERE THEY SHARED A DISH OF QUESADILLAS. TALKING OVER THE CHATTER OF THE OTHER CUSTOMERS, BATMAN WARNED LION OF THE FACT THAT THE QUESADILLAS WOULD NOT AGREE WITH HIS STOMACH. ALARMED BY THE NEWS, LION BURST INTO ACTION. DONNING HIS BATTLE ARMOR AND JUMPING OUT THE WINDOW, HE YELLED OVER HIS SHOULDER THAT HE WOULD BE "DOING JUSTICE TO THOSE WHO WRONGED HIM". BATMAN SHRUGGED THIS OFF, KNOWING THAT LION HAD BUSINESS TO TAKE CARE OF.

LATER THAT EVENING, IN HIS OFFICE, BATMAN BEGAN TO PLAN. HE HAD BEEN PLANNING TO TEACH LION TO SING FOR QUITE SOME TIME NOW. BUT TONIGHT, THE PLAN WAS BEGINNING TO BLOOM. WHAT AT FIRST WERE JUST A FEW STRAY THOUGHTS BECAME THE GREATEST SCHEME BATMAN HAD EVER COME UP WITH. CALLING TO ALFRED, HE SET HIS COFFEE MAKER TO "JUSTICE BREW". WHEN ALFRED ARRIVED, HE NOTICED THE STEAMING POT OF FREEDOM BATMAN HAD JUST MADE. "HELP YOURSELF TO SOME COFFEE, ALFRED", SAID BATMAN. ALFRED TOOK THE POT AND POURED SOME COFFEE INTO HIS DARTH VADER COLLECTABLE MUG. THOUGH HE HAD BEEN THOROUGHLY ENJOYING HIS COFFEE, HE REMEMBERED THAT HE HAD BEEN SUMMONED, AND THAT BATMAN HAD A PLAN. HE THREW HIS MUG THROUGH THE WINDOW, JUMPED TO HIS FEET, AND POLITELY ASKED BATMAN WHAT HE HAD SUMMONED HIM FOR. "I HAVE SUMMONED YOU TO TELL YOU OF MY BRILLIANT PLANS, ALFRED", SAID BATMAN. "WHY OF COURSE", SAID ALFRED IN RESPONSE. THEY HAD A HEARTY LAUGH. THE LAUGH WAS SHORT-LIVED, THOUGH, AS BATMANS FACIAL EXPRESSION CHANGED FROM ONE OF JOY TO ONE OF SERIOUSNESS. "ALFRED. I NEED YOU TO FETCH ME MY PANZERSHRECK AND FOUR THOUSAND GRIZZLY BEARS", SAID BATMAN, IN A HUSHED VOICE. "I SHALL BE TO AND FROM THE GROCERY STORE BEFORE YOU KNOW IT", SAID ALFRED.

MEANWHILE, IN CHICAGO, LION HAD SUCCESSFULLY ROUNDED UP THOSE WHO WERE RESPONSIBLE FOR HIS QUESADILLA. "I WILL MAKE YOU ALL PAY", HE SAID TO THE TEN DARK FIGURES ACROSS THE ROOM. HE FLICKED A SWITCH AND THE LIGHTS CAME ON. THE TEN MEN WERE REVEALED TO HAVE BEEN CLONES OF HIMSELF. AS THEY WERE ALL SCREAMING FOR MERCY, LION JUST LAUGHED AS HE REMINDED THEM THAT THEY WERE CHAINED TO THE WALL. HE TOLD THEM THAT HE WOULD LET THEM GO IF THEY ADMITTED TO THEIR CRIMES. SO AFTER ABOUT TWO AND A HALF HOURS OF THE LION CLONES TELLING OF HOW THEY PUT CANCER IN LIONS QUESADILLA, LION WALKED OUT OF THE ROOM SILENTLY. ALL OF HIS CLONES LOOKED AT EACH OTHER WITH PUZZLED EXPRESSIONS ON THEIR FACES. LITTLE DID THEY KNOW THAT LION HAD BEEN CALLING SOME FRIENDS ON THE PHONE. SUDDENLY, TWO THOUSAND MONSTER TRUCKS BROKE THROUGH THE WALLS THAT SURROUNDED THE CLONES. AS THE LIONS ALL SCREAMED, THE MONSTERTRUCKS WERE USING THEIR MOUNTED FLAMETHROWERS TO SLOWLY BURN THEM TO DEATH. AFTER THE FLAMES HAD DIED DOWN AND THE TRUCKS HAD EXHAUSTED THEIR GAS SUPPLY, LION WALKED IN AND EXAMINED THE CHARRED CORPSES. AFTER DISRESPECTING THEM THOROUGHLY, HE FAST TRAVELLED TO BATMANS SIDE.

WHEN HE ARRIVED, HE FOUND HIMSELF TO BE SURROUNDED BY A VAST AMOUNT OF GRIZZLY BEARS. "AGRHAGRHAGRHGAGHRAGRGAR", HE EXCLAIMED. HE WAS IN THE MIDDLE OF PANICKING WHEN HE SAW A DARK FIGURE SWOOPING TOWARDS HIM FROM A DISTANCE. HE SQUINTED IN AN ATTEMPT TO RECOGNIZE THE THREAT BEFORE IT WAS TOO LATE. SUDDENLY LION HAD REALIZED THAT HE HAD FORGOTTED HIS GLASSES. "NOOOOOO!", HE SCREAMED AS BATMAN FLEW UP TO HIM AND SHOT HIM WITH A ROCKET FROM HIS PANZERSHRECK. EVERYBODY DIED DUE TO THE ROCKET HAVING A NUCLEAR WARHEAD IN IT. THE END


End file.
